Thursday, January 22, 2009

Live fully today, and "Call your mother"

Telefono Pictures, Images and Photos
Hello Readers! My name is Denise from, "Koffords in Colorado" and Meme has graciously invited me to submit a post for her new uplifting blog. My mom passed away a few weeks ago after a year long battle with brain cancer. I have learned much from the life lessons she taught me, and that all of our lives are too short to live with any regret. My mom lived fully and savored every day of life...I know Meme is encouraging us to do the same. This post was written last month, while my mom was still living, but I wanted to post it to encourage you to appreciate your loved ones today!

We often hear or read this phrase on TV shows, magazine articles, etc... "Call your mother, she worries you know!"

Since the mid 1980's after moving away from home to attend college, I called my mother once a week. Usually on Sundays, because my mother always called her mother on Sundays. We would chat about the latest in our lives, who was doing what, where we went, and what was planned for the week. When we were both teachers, there were always stories to tell about school, bulletin board ideas, and yard duty escapades!

This phone calling routine repeated weekly, year after year.

Sometimes it felt like there wasn't much to say. Sometimes it felt like we just talked about the same things over and over again. Sometimes I felt busy and didn't feel like calling.

When my dad died, I called my mom daily. But after awhile this routine, selfishly at times, felt like an obligation and not as I realize now, a privilege.

Since my mom's diagnosis last Christmas Eve, I have had a complete turn around in my thinking. All of sudden, there is SO much to say! Suddenly, the unimportant feels VERY important. I want to tell my mom everything...

I want her to know that her granddaughter wrote a story about the two of them together, that she played two songs in the piano recital, and that she made a clay penguin in art class...I want her to know that her grandson did well on his math test, that he played Christmas songs on his violin, and that he can type more words per minute than I can.

I want to tell her about things I am learning and doing, and ask her for advice. I want to hear her opinion on everything from how much soy sauce to put in the stir fry recipe, to what all the words are to the Hawaiian song "Mele Kalikimaka". Brain cancer has taken away that ability to answer many questions, and to share her wisdom verbally.

I want to hear her voice strong and well and hear her say, "I love you" as if it weren't for the last time. I have saved a phone message she left for me a few months ago, because I just can't bare to erase her voice...the time will soon come when I will never see, or hear her again, so I am trying to memorize everything about her voice, her smile, her presence.

If your mother is still living, call her today. There may not be much to say, but if it were the last time you heard her voice, it wouldn't matter much what was said, except to hear and say, "I love you."
telephone hearts Pictures, Images and Photos


  1. Okay, Miss Denise..You've got me crying! :) I loved that post...I know that feeling of not having much to say...I was raised with my grandparents, though my Papa is gone :(...Gram is still here...She is fighting with Parkinson's...I call her and there isn't much to say...We talk about a few things and we say how much we love each other and then hang up...Each time I hang up..The thought that that might be the last call we share passes through my mind and stabs my heart...The last few months..I sometimes put off calling her...because there isn't anything to talk about...I am crying because you opened my eyes and made me see that there is so much to talk about...I love to hear her stories about her childhood, her first love and my biological grandfather who passed away when my mom was 12, she was so in love with that man...and how she met my Papa and was able to have the same kind of love again...She loves to talk about the pride she has for me and my life, and how she feels she was a part of making me a good mother, wife and friend...She loves to hear me talk about my dreams and how I plan to make them happen...I will call her today...And I will think of your Mom as I do...Your Mom is still with you...She shines through your words and is infused in both your history and your future...I'm proud of you, taking the steps to heal yourself and to become the person she knew you could be! :) Love, Meme

  2. mom and i never got along until i was in my 20s...probably bc we were too much alike. anyway, i don't go a day without talking to her now...and i really am so thankful for both of my parents. as for you, great job...and your momma would be soooo proud!

  3. You brought a tear to my eye! mommaof4 is right, your mother would be very proud of you!

  4. Thanks for sharing this with us. We all need a reminder sometimes to let those that we love know that we love them.
    I'm so sorry about your mom, I'm sure that she's looking down on you and so proud that you are preserving her memory.

  5. What a lovely post. Thank you for sharing this. I am going to call my Mum right now. :)

  6. This post has made me see things differently. My parents are living and there are times when my phone rings nonstop, sometimes 10 times a day. Come night time when I want to sit down and watch t.v., blog or work on a project, I get so aggravated when my phone rings. This post has taught me that I can watch t.v., or do whatever anytime. There will be a day when my phone will not ring. Thanks so much for the lesson.

  7. Thanks for transparently sharing your beautiful heart. I will be pray for you as you journey through the shadows of grief ...My Mom was diagnosed with ovarian cancer two weeks after I finished breast cancer chemotherapy in late 2007...she had lived with us for 12 years after my Dad died. She died June 2008. I have a little taste of the journey you are making . . .and so I feel connected even though we've never met. Love to you, my sister...


Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.